the zhaf speaks

Sunday, July 29, 2007:

What does it all lead to? What does it all mean?

Sometimes I do get by fine, other times, sometimes, it gets a tad challenging. Will I get through this? Yes, we all do. We stick at it. But at this moment, the silence is deafening. The vacuum is constricting. My faults are glaring - staring right back at me in the mirror.

The great night last night - spent watching Simpsons at The Cathay, of witty repartee exchanged in between sonic strips of jazz, rock and pop at Timbre, of shrewd safeties over pool and out-of-this world shots from my opponents, and from the bros saying that I seem like I might know where I am going. Do I?

Reality is a harsh slave-driver. Thank goodness for God who pushes us towards acceptance, conviction and faith in His inscrutable and ineffable ways.

Grant me the courage to change what I can. Patience for that which I cannot. Judgment sound enough to discern one from the other.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 4:53 am

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Sunday, July 22, 2007:

It will be a short work-week ahead. I have every intention of making it one of rejuvenation and consolidation, God willing.

6 years and still, X resonates.
"Wai no inochi o yaru ai te ya" - My life for whom I love. Credited to Sorata of course.
And Seishirou is as always, uber cool. Nonchalance and nonplussed-ness personified.
More on this someday.

Supper at Upper Thomson with YP was good. What was great was hearing YP's crazy idea to resume NS before finishing up his last 2 years at Amherst. As we agreed, it would probably be for the best to blaze through the remaining brain-sapping time in NS and back to the US of A after that, thus minimising cranial shock caused by interruptions between the end of the degree and the fledgling beginnings of his time in Public Service.

Of course, among other things, prata BOMB is still Nagasaki and Hiroshima combined. Amazing. Absolut. Yumness.

Confluence was somewhat inspiring. Rather, Dr Ng was. How does someone non-military with a medical education rise to the post of Second Minister for Defence? To his credit however, he did seem brilliant, and thoroughly abreast with the issues of the day. The articulate and humurous civil servant seems to be such a rarity, or perhaps I'm mingling in different circles. However, I couldn't abide by his answers to the questions on the burgeoning income gap, and coping with the rising cost of housing and living in Singapore. "Keeping housing affordable" is scantly sufficient.

Harry Potter with Aqil was rather charming. As of yesterday, I have become... a Harry Potter fan! Order of the Phoenix finally fleshed it out. I can relate to it. The demons within. The uncertainty of what you're becoming. The occasional fear of the repercussions of doing what is right and proper. Wondering what exactly would be right and proper. Fear of your own capabilities. And of course we don't mind the dazzling and visually spectacular magical battles either. It's interesting enough that... I might actually read the whole saga. GG.

So decide, prioritise, make your move. And do your worrying before the bets are placed.

And yes YP, you were right - after a fashion. I've never been and felt quite this way. Emphasis of course on the "been". It's the most convenient rationalisation to say it will all pass in time. So time will tell, and I'll get back to you eventually, either about how I have that much going on and life is splendid, or about how I have that much going on and though life is rather splendid, the thoughts of her still surface occasionally. Together with the wistful longing no less.

And right now. Tonight, tonight. The rain falls. Nice, cool and absolutely perfect for my journey into dreamland.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 10:00 pm

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Friday, July 13, 2007:

That felt insulting.

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Fast forward to the cardinal article - 9-BALL TOUR SINGAPORE LEG IS HERE.

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Thank you daddy, for reminding me how integrity is above all else. God, help me get it back.

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Perception is such an iffy issue. And there are those things set in stone by Him up high. For everything else - if reality lies in the eye of the beholder - is potentially negotiable.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 11:32 am

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A warrior always returns to the fray. He never does so out of stubbornness, but because he has noticed a change in the weather.

Right now that weather has worsened.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 3:43 am

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Tuesday, July 10, 2007:

Ramly is good. Eat it like you should.

TRIPPY NIGHT. THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

We're immortal till the day we're six feet under, but you knew that.

Otherwise, I have quite a smattering of blessings to count for the day. Wow.

If the urologist gives me MC later, so the retelling will happen.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 9:18 am

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Saturday, July 07, 2007:

Is it right, because God says so?

or

Does God say so, because it is right?

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*ATTENTION*

Seeking a training/recreational pool partner, seeing how my current pool kaki will be leaving for NS in Civil D in 2 days time (!!!!!)

I have yet to reach the standard where I can clear a table of 9-ball from break to the 9 in one turn, but can string together 5-6 pots with consistency. My style of play is interminably offensive, going for the defensive snook only when no offensive options are reasonably available.

Lets take our game to new heights. Personally working towards a national ranking within the next year, and I'm sure you'd like that too. And seeing how it's unlikely we'll make it alone - Buzz me. Thanks.

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 2:22 pm

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Friday, July 06, 2007:

Emotional vacillations and conscious constants. The former typically handed to us by the circumstances we are dealt, the latter being the circumstances we commit to creating/maintaining.

Ever so often something which couldn't possible sneak out of the typification of the former, finds its way ever so innocuously into the second category. I'm trying to figure out how that happens. And more so, why the conscious decision is made to keep it there, instead of sending it back where it came from.

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Here comes the ever-so-random-barrage. I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden. I'm starting to think i'm essentially a 60 year old whose natural state is cigars with oldies streaming off the gramophone.

And yes, thanks to our dear local jeweller, Poh Heng, it's been stuffed in my face. Nothing is quite as precious as trust. Belatedly though. Thanks gg. Referenced for the indefinite future.

Finally, here's a message to myself - Create, invent, imagine, innovate. Make it happen. Be the Man. Be the interminable force of initiative. Anything is possible.

Anything is possible?

Truly, madly, deeply indeed. Give those castles in the sky some foundations. Giggity git!

-unshackled and unfettered he seeks power sublime- 4:13 am

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